it just is

one thing i want to dedicate this blog today to is built to spill. i'm just listening to them right now and i'm just so happy about how great they sound. so i just want all you out there in blogland to start listening to them so we can sing along together some day.

today has been a real nice day. school, observing, and babysitting. when i got home i went on the tree swing and hoped it wouldn't break. then feeling more adventurous i climbed a tree and laid like a monkey on a branch. i think that will be my sitting spot from now on.

lately i feel like i've been thinking a lot but can come to no conclusions. i'm confused in my head. i don't understand how i feel. i'm scared to look too far. although i have been thinking a lot i know i'm just glazing the surface; there are possibly a million wild things going on underneath. it's a bizarre feeling; denial, i guess. it really just feels like there's a whole part of my head that is just really heavy and i don't know what's going on there. nor do i want to know or think i'm ready. i don't care if these words don't make sense i just wanted to try and express what i've been feeling.

i've been wondering a lot about conversations. and how far you can really take a conversation....like i think i've just always assumed that there would be great conversations had in my lifetime, and that maybe i've already had some. but then i realize that i don't even know what defines a great conversation. i'm starting to see more and more that there are things i've believed because society has implied them. like the meaning of life. why does that even have to be a question? maybe there isn't an answer. or love, even. amo is just a word the romans used to describe the same thing and i don't think they knew what it was either. we all feel like we must find love. but we can define it ourselves, we do that with everything else. i've got some thoughts flying around my working brain that are just confusing...and probably contradicting but i don't care. umm if you have any idea or could just give me some feedback i'd really appreciate it!