steal my sunshine

seasonal depression is lasting far too long. i went outside today to try and soak up some vitamin d and feel energized. i made myself some new curtains. i had some access fabric lying around and figured i need more change. i've been tending to keep my phone on silent. i don't understand whether or not i like being alone.

it just is

one thing i want to dedicate this blog today to is built to spill. i'm just listening to them right now and i'm just so happy about how great they sound. so i just want all you out there in blogland to start listening to them so we can sing along together some day.

today has been a real nice day. school, observing, and babysitting. when i got home i went on the tree swing and hoped it wouldn't break. then feeling more adventurous i climbed a tree and laid like a monkey on a branch. i think that will be my sitting spot from now on.

lately i feel like i've been thinking a lot but can come to no conclusions. i'm confused in my head. i don't understand how i feel. i'm scared to look too far. although i have been thinking a lot i know i'm just glazing the surface; there are possibly a million wild things going on underneath. it's a bizarre feeling; denial, i guess. it really just feels like there's a whole part of my head that is just really heavy and i don't know what's going on there. nor do i want to know or think i'm ready. i don't care if these words don't make sense i just wanted to try and express what i've been feeling.

i've been wondering a lot about conversations. and how far you can really take a conversation....like i think i've just always assumed that there would be great conversations had in my lifetime, and that maybe i've already had some. but then i realize that i don't even know what defines a great conversation. i'm starting to see more and more that there are things i've believed because society has implied them. like the meaning of life. why does that even have to be a question? maybe there isn't an answer. or love, even. amo is just a word the romans used to describe the same thing and i don't think they knew what it was either. we all feel like we must find love. but we can define it ourselves, we do that with everything else. i've got some thoughts flying around my working brain that are just confusing...and probably contradicting but i don't care. umm if you have any idea or could just give me some feedback i'd really appreciate it!

so today like many other monday started out with me going to physics and paying no attention at all. abstract algebra was fun and i would explain the fun but i don't think anyone else would like it quite that much. i asked eric for a ride to my car, so him and emily did just that. he forced me to sit in the back and wear a helmet.

i got home to my 50 degree house hoping that the heat would be back on so i could shower but it wasn't and i had to take a trip to my sister's.

i went down to nathaniel morton to do some observations of a gym class and it was awesome! the gym lady wasn't totally cool but the kids had a blast and it brought me back to the good ole days of elementary school p.e. with mrs. bevens.

after that i went to see hay-flo to watch twilight and look up pictures of bella and edward...for a couple hours.

after i went home ari invited me over for game night. me and hanna vs. ari and jj vs. mike jerel and danielle. jj and ari won with their telepathy during a wicked fun game of pictionary. me and hanna still felt like winners though!! i was trying to get her to guess "stick shift" and she said "twigglers". i died. anyways i'm home. with mint green nails.

Wearing my Easter Bonnet

a little bit of updating! my fingernails are doing pretty good...i haven't been biting them...one is a little misshapen though do to...i don't even know. i was driving to school earlier this week trying to keep my mind off of going to school and i started thinking about how cool it would be to have a garden. so it's my plan to hopefully get a garden up and running. i'm thinking to start out with the regular stuff: tomatoes, carrots?, lettuce, potatoes?, squash, pumpkins, chives & such, etc. i don't really know what i would be able to accomplish but if i could even get one of the above to grow that'd be nice.

up for a little bit of risk in my life i decided to ask ari to dye my hair. after 3 shots we got it to a mixture of red and blonde. carrot top as sydney would say.

ari was also up for taking a risk so the next night we went to the pin cushion and she got a monroe piercing.

jj was obv not impressed. so we dropped him off and had a romantic candle lit dinner at guru. indian food half off monday thru wednesday! so we spent like $13 but we left a generous tip.

by this time i guess i'm coming up on thursday. and i'm not sure if i have all this remembered correctly but i think i started adding some jazz to my room...this could have been wednesday though...so difficult to get it all straight! anywho. i decided that since its probably been almost a year since i started painting my wall and i haven't worked on it in about a year that i'd start putting stuff back in their places. but i do hope to finish my wall someday...it's not even hard...so i don't know why i can't bring myself to do it. the point of this all is i got my things hung back up and i even matted a picture of me and sydney.

please take notice of the curtains in my room. i got them at salvation army not realizing that two of the four were really short. so the other window has fitting curtains and that one does not. it's about time for my lighter curtains anyways so i'm not too worried about it. the middle picture is just a small portion of framed photos that won't fit on my walls...i got really obsessed with these frames at target a few months ago cuz they were so cheap and bought a ridiculous amount. also since i have very little wallspace left i decided to display some of my birthday cards and photos on a wall canvas thing. i hung some necklaces up too cuz i don't have any place for them either.

on friday after work i went to the sullivan clan's. we took a grand trip to whole foods. which reminded me a lot of my breastfeeding days. and hay and syd just laughed at me, saying i would turn my future kid retarded.

so here are a couple pictures of hayley picking out birdseed to feed her family with.

after getting home we went to the mall and stopped at h&m where i got some gloves and flats.

on saturday i worked 8-4 and then rushed my aunt to salvage chic with me! we made it in time before close and had some good laughs when we couldn't find one of the two owl salt & pepper shakers. he turned out to be trying to make a getaway in a orange toy car. my aunt thinks every week there should be a blog about the owl. like this week he was found hanging out with the noodle poodles. or in the hankies. i thought it was funny. my aunt ended up buying me a ceramic owl figure for my room. and its awesome!

after i got home i was hanging out for a while, alone. when i heard something starting to rumble...and then some bad sort of smell started to make its way out of my basement...so i went outside with the dogs and called my mom. turns out our heater broke and so no hot water or warmth. currently experiencing cold fingers!! but i'm blogging through it.

i ended up going to pick up matt z cuz he was so ronery! we went to papa gino's and then wally world where we ran into c botsch, jeff hill, and zacher!

chris had to pick up a birthday gift for his dad.

me and matt then called up jharrington and went to his house and hung out for a while before i got so exhausted and had to bring matt home!

this morning i woke up and made my aunt do a photo shoot of me. :)

that's basically it, happy easter. i got a pair of old socks and candy, what about you?

going against your mind

when i was a kid i saw a light,
floating high above the trees one night.
thought it was an alien,
turned out to be just god.

day ba day

so its been a little bit since my last update! but i've basically been having a jolly time? i don't know.
saturday night i watched some real housewives over the walsh household with syd and hayley. and got served dinner by janet, it was awesome. then i went rock n' roll bowling and to sam deigo's.

on sunday i spent some time with my family and we stopped at salvage chic on the way home. i got sydney this sweet owl light. it had colorful beads that lit up on its belly...i'll upload a picture soon!

lauren at lunch!

when i got back me and mandi took our dogs down to the waterfront for a walk.

rosie had a blast! she was a doll and i have to take her for more walks! yesterday jj picked me up and we got some lunch and then went to savers with ari and bruce. i got several sweet shirts but the best buy was two glasses that i'm obsessed with!

then we went back to ari's to play candyland and pictionary and it was hysterical!

alright so just one more thing. here is a new wristlet i made.

slumday

so i've been feeling pretty awful lately. and i'm pretty sure that i might have an eye infection!!! along with a real nice cold! i'm just happy i finally fit in with all my pink eyed friends!!

i almost thought those little eye guys would never pick me!!